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As you may have heard by now, the RNC has created a website, America Speaking Out, where American conservatives, or Internet pranksters posing as American conservatives, can post suggestions for the Republican Party agenda. (You can also vote thumbs up or down on other people's suggestions.) Enjoy it while it lasts:

"The moon is American soil and therefore should be accessible only to Americans. I propose that we stop the illegal use of the moon and moon-related activities by foreigners. If this entails rigging some sort of grappling hook to the moon and drawing it down onto Texan soil, so much the better. That way people can travel to Texas if they want to see the moon, and nighttime will be a little darker for everyone. And, as the founding fathers used to say, 'the darker the night, the easier it is to tongue each others' balloon knots without our wives finding out!'"

"We should get off our fiat currency and move to one backed by feldspar, with quartz as a reserve currency. If we used silver as an additional reserve currency in the 19th century, we'd not have had to go to fiat currency, since we'd have reserves to expand our money supply. Feldspar and silicates, like quartz, are the most common minerals on the planet, so we shouldn't have problems increasing our supply of these and our money supply."

"Sometimes I see a new food at the store, but I don't know if I will like it, so I don't buy it. I propose we establish 'food libraries' where you can try new foods and if you like them, go to the store and stimulate the economy. Only legal U.S. citizens would be allowed in the food library. "

"If you guys are so smart, how come you haven't caught Osama Bin Laden and made a public display of him stuck up a hippo's butt yet? I'M LOOKING AT YOU, JOHN BOEHNER!"

"Isn't it funny, that a party that is fighting illegal immigration, and wants to build a fence to keep illegals out, is handing out badges as rewards for providing input to the site? Wait for it...wait for it...Badges? We don't need no stinking badges!! "

"My ideas are dubbed inappropriate because they make sense so I'll just post something like SPAWN MORE OVERLORDS!"

"People should only be allowed to smoke cigarettes UNTIL they turn 18. Think about it. Smoking for a few years won't do them much harm. And if people over 18 want to smoke they can bribe kids to buy them cigarettes."

"KFC's mashed potatoes taste like pennies."

"Obviously, the value of American life goes down with age. Who wants a liver from a 93-year-old, like creepy old Robert Byrd, when you can get a fresh one from a 38-year-old, like Bobby Jindal. But, young, fresh and not refrigerated too long are what the Republicans are all about."

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
wetdryvac
May. 27th, 2010 06:59 pm (UTC)
*gathers up pieces of post-explosion vac-brain*

It's the KFC potatoes that did it. I'll never think of potatoes the same way again.
mirvana
May. 27th, 2010 09:38 pm (UTC)
Pure awesome brilliance.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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