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Things we said while we watched Caprica

Lisa: So did this air on TV? Did we miss it?
Me: We might have missed it. We were so sick of the Battlestar Galactica franchise after that last season... Oh look, topless women dancing and making out!
Lisa: OK, I guess it didn't air on TV. At least not this version. [Several minutes later:] Do you understand what's going on?
Me: Not really, no. I mean, I've got no clue about the virtual twin thing. I think the teens-misbehaving-in-cyberspace thing is meant to show that Caprican society has become decadent.
Lisa: OK.
Me: Which can be a real problem on a planet with only one society.
Lisa: At least the climate is nice.
Me: Yeah. Caprica: the Pacific Northwest planet.
...
Lisa: Hey, it's Bill Adama's father.
Me: And he's from Tauron, which is apparently the Hispanic planet. [Thinks.] Oh, of course. Tauron is the bull, and Spanish people fight bulls. Get it?
Lisa: Hmm, it looks like all the Taurons have neck and face tattoos. And are criminals.
Me: Make that the Hispanic prison gang planet.
...
Esai Morales (Bill Adama's father): This is going to sound strange, but we don't have flowers on Tauron.
Me: That doesn't sound strange, it sounds ridiculous.
Esai Morales: When I got to Caprica and saw my first flower, I thought it was beautiful...
Me: Yes, flowers are beautiful. What a pity no one on Caprica ever thought to export seeds and bulbs to Tauron. Perhaps using the same technology with which they import Hispanic prison gangs.
Lisa: So I see the world-building hasn't improved since Battlestar.
...
Esai Morales: We Taurons are a proud people, Willy. We work the land...
Me: Yes, we attempt to grow fruits and vegetables, on a planet without flowers. Which explains why we all have to moonlight as thieves and assassins.
...
Lisa: Oh, look. Eric Stoltz is going to download his dead daughter's consciousness into the prototype Cylon.
Me: Wait a minute...
Lisa: His rebellious teenage daughter's consciousness.
Me: No way.
Lisa: His fanatical monotheist teenage daughter's consciousness.
Me: Oh, Jesus.
Lisa: So the explanation for the Cylon rebellion is--
Me: --they're angry teenage girls.
...
Me: Hello, 1-800-TAURON? I'd like to take out a hit on Ron Moore.

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
ruthling
Aug. 20th, 2009 05:07 pm (UTC)
thank you! you've made me laugh *and* saved me from several hours of bad tv.
marlowe1
Aug. 20th, 2009 05:24 pm (UTC)
sadly I'm still going to watch this, even if the last episode of BSG took a beautiful sculptured creation and dipped it in shit.

But I'm going to laugh much harder and with less tears this time.
hal_obrien
Aug. 20th, 2009 06:36 pm (UTC)
"...even if the last episode of BSG took a beautiful sculptured creation..."

That's the problem. "Beautifully sculptured" implies intent. Some of us have long believed (and Matt's reaction to Caprica seems to support this) that BSG was a case of a bunch of guys in way over their heads, and an audience willing to give them credit for talent they demonstrably didn't have.

It wasn't intentional. It was an accident. It was random.
holyoutlaw
Aug. 20th, 2009 06:28 pm (UTC)
This cleaned bad tastes out of my mouth that I hadn't even realized were there.

hal_obrien
Aug. 20th, 2009 06:31 pm (UTC)
On the other hand, Caprica does appear to Explain Much. Even if the explanation is mostly a demon possessed by bad writing and a contract.
Ted Chiang [myopenid.com]
Aug. 20th, 2009 11:58 pm (UTC)
Why did you even rent this? Surely there's enough good stuff out there to keep you from having to watch more of Ron Moore's work.

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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